3) The killing of Nancy
Young prostitute was strike dead
London (S.K.,A.D.). Last night a young girl was found in
an old apartment. The police think that the young woman
was killed by a stick and they don't exclude the murderer
was a jealousy offence. A good friend of the prostitute
told the police, something interesting: The girl maybe
sneaks something about the “notorious pickpocket gang” on.
The woman was identified as Nancy and she was a member of
the “notorious pickpocket gang”. Nancy W. was living in
this apartment with the criminal Bill Sikes. The man was
very rude and Nancy’s lover. Maybe he was her pimp. Bill
is using a wooden stick and so the police make a decision:
he is the murderer. He is the owner of a dangerous dog
with the name “Bulls-Eye”. The police ask for some
indication of the stay from Mr. Sikes. He has long black
hair and a full beard. His dog is white and “Bill-Eye” has
a black spot around his left eye.
Her best friend Alice McKee told reporters,: Nancy was a
honest girl. She has a bad fate, she works as a prostitute
since she was 13. now she is 17. I found her dead and
blood smeared in Bill’s apartment. He was very rude to her
and other persons. I think Bill is capable of the
murderer.”
Please inform the police for other indications.
237 words
2 comments:
g: "strike" / "struck" --> irregular verb: she was struck dead
exp: She wasn't killed "by" a stick, but "with" a "stick" or rather a "cane". There's huge difference between "by" and "with" here.
exp: "they don't exclude the murderer
was a jealousy offence" --> translation from German, totally wrong in English
incorrect comma: ... told the police something interesting
exp: "The girl maybe
sneaks something about the “notorious pickpocket gang” on." --> totally incomprehensible
t: "was living" --> "lived"
exp: "rude" ??? (unhöflich, vulgär)
exp: "Bill
is using a wooden stick and so the police make a decision:
he is the murderer." --> partly incorrect, partly just literal translation
exp: "The police ask for some
indication of the stay from Mr. Sikes." --> badly expressed
exp: "a full beard" -> literal translation from German
g: "an honest girl"
exp: "She has a bad fate" --> unidiomatic, badly expressed
T: "she has worked ... since ..."
str: "I found her dead and
blood smeared in Bill’s apartment." --> incorrect sentence
exp: "the police for other indications" --> badly expressed
The structure is mostly correct but the English of this report is very very poor and unidiomatic. You also seem to lack the feeling for what is included in a newspaper report. It might be helpful to read the newspaper a bit more often.
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